So its late. I should be in bed. I should be sleeping, bt im not. Its raining outside and i like the sound. Its just soothing, like a blanket to a baby. Its not soothing my stress though. Only one week of classes left. Then a week of finals. Then my brother graduates from college, bittersweet in my eyes. Its the moment we all wait for, to be done with college. He is, he done, he will move on, and nothing will be like it was, or is. Then i come back for a 40 hour work week, again bittersweet. Then 10 days of summer, 10 days of observing classes, of hanging with friends and sleeping in. Then of to camp for around 10 weeks, the highlight of my summer! then off to Florida for a week! then back to school. So it never slows down. That may why i cant sleep. To much going on, to much in my head. Grades. Friends, Relationships. I have to save them all. I cant save them all. What if i fail. What if i fail my grades and have to drop out, what is i get kicked out. What would they do? what would i do? Failure is the not in the cards. What if they cant be friends? why cant friendship just be it? why do we fight? why cant we all be nice? What if i cant fix this relationship? what if it was never supposed to be? why cant it just be easy? what am i doing wrong? is it even me? or you? Do you even care? I dont think its health to think about dieing just to see if the person cared. I know they care. I just dont always see it.
Thats why i have been stressing the passed two weeks. Its almost done. Its not that im not happy! i am so happy! i am great, just college stress is all.
Bed time,
Jessica
