Its better to give then receive.

I know its only almost thanksgiving, but Christmas has been on my mind lately. Each year on Christmas day we all go down and open presents that the next year we wont even need or remember. and each year the selfish heart in us gets all greedy in wanting more and more and more. I know, it happens to me every year. But what if we gave instead of received this year? what if?
I had that thought today when i was sitting in a missions convo i had to go to. He was talking about all the need people in the world and how God equips us to go tell them about Him. I was just thinging about everything i WANTED for christmas. I dont NEED anything though. I just WANT. WANT. WANT. but why do i want more. whats that point? once i have clothes, a bed and food. i dont NEED anything, but more of God and family and Friends. The books on my shelf dont really get read they are just there for show, the movies only get watched every so often. the other random stuff never is used. Its all there to show people me? but am i my stuff? no of course not, i am me! And people should not judge me for my stuff but for how i act and what i do. Stuff does not matter. in the end it wont be there. It wont help us. But what will matter is what we do with this one life God has given. What we will do to show Him to others, and What we will do to get closer to Him.
Stuff doesnt matter, God matters, and what He wants us to do matters. So, listen to His voice and act. I know i will. =)

We all hide....

A mask is something that is very easy put on. People expect you to smile and be happy. No one likes a long face. So we put on are masks and walk around, no one knows what is going on inside, no one knows if we are hurting or sad. Because we hide it from the world, with a big fake smile. And the look of everything is perfect and fine! When really are heart is being torn into a million piece, by pain we cant explain. We cant talk about it. We dont want to think about it. We fool others and are selves into thinking everything is ok. But when you are alone in your bed, those thought creep in and you do all you can not to break down. To be alone is less painful, no one would care if you were suddenly gone, you are such a screw up look at everything you have done and are doing, you will never succeed, failure. The thought swirl and spin around in your head and your mask comes off. Everything is not ok. Life has gotten you. So inside of a mask you fall into loneliness, you run form everything and everyone. because just like it said, To be alone is much less painful.

But the joy of the Lord is my strength. Because i am never alone. because He is here and He never hurts me.

I only listen to happy songs now.

Because i am so happy.

God has just blessed me so much.

thats all i can really say. Thats just how i feel, blessed.
So blessed.

I want to fall in love with You

"Love Song For A Savior"
By Jars of Clay

In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"


I have not heard this song in for ever. I just had my Itunes on shuffle and this one popped up and oh it touched my heart. This is just what it feel like right now! i want to fall in love with Him. I want to fall in love with You. God i want to. I need you. I want you. I choose you. I want you. Oh! so amazing! God is so amazing!

So, school has been going well! I love all my classes and work is super fun and easy! This year is going to be great! BSU is tonight so im super excited! Just lots of studying. I have this thing called the C-base test, which i have to pass to be a teacher and im freaking out about it cuz its ACT style and if you knew my ACT score you would see why im freaking out! I also have two 5 page papers due and its jsut to start them which i havent..blah other then that its great! no test! just quizzes! i also get to take Tennis this year and that excites me sooo much! God has blessed me SO much this year! He is just amazing! Ive in my Debbie downer moods i can still see His blessing on me! Oh how He loves me! We cant forget how blessed we are! Because He loves us!

Well i need to study haha =)

Prayer-

1. For this C-base test
2. For the year
3. for rest
4. whatever you feel lead to pray!

God is Amazing!

This summer has been AMAZING. God has came in and changed and formed me. I cant wait to see what He will do! He is an AMAZING God! His love is so AMAZING! I meet Him this summer and He washed me clean. I heard Him this summer and i listened. I finally let my walls down and let Him wash me clean and come in and change my heart. The old me is gone and the new me is here. I have no bond to those things i did. I am new and living for God. It will be hard bt He there and i need to trust Him! I wish i could tell you all what God did this summer bt there is just SO much! It would take forever! Just know God is still God and God is still good no matter what! That He loves us so much! HE IS JUST AMAZING!!!

Long time!

Hey guys!
Sorry its taken me so long to write! Bt i am at New Life Ranch so i dont have alot of time! Bt God is amazing! he is working so much in me1 he is pulling weeds and replacing them with fruit! he is amazing! I cant really go in to detail bt just know He is good!

Prayer!

1. That God will continua to work in me.
2. that i will be able to let go.
3. That my face/back would clear up.
4. That God will speak through me to my campers.
5. that my campers would grow.
6. Anything you feel lead to pray!

Thank you guys!
Jess

Tomorrow!

I leave for camp tomorrow! i will be gone the whole summer! i am so so so excited! i love New Life Ranch! i cant wait to work there! I am a lifeguard/counselor and so happy! I cant wait to see what God has in store for me and the kids i will meet! There is still so much i have to do... like pack...which i havent even started and get clothes for the theme weeks which i havent done..haha oh well i will get it done!

I would love if you sent me mail! Would so write you back too!!

Miss Jessica Flack
160 New Life Ranch Drive
Colcord, OK 74338


Just include your name and address and i will try really hard to write back!!


packages are great to!

The best big brother.

My brother gradutes tomorrow. Its a weird bitter sweet feeling. Im so happy for him, yet so sad to see him leave. I love him so much and cant wait to see what he is going to do! he has been the best big brother any girl could ask for. Of course you have your moments where you fight and hate each other. bt those get forgotten and you just remember all the fun times you had. All the concerts you went to, all the movies you watched, all the places you drove together, all the jokes you had, all the secrets you kept, he knows me better then anyone. Its hard to express how much i love him and how great he has been! He is always there when you need him, he always has a joke to lighten the mood. i love him to death and i am going to miss him like crazy when he leaves. I know he will do great thing, he is to talented he can not do anything bt great things. My bubba i love you and i am so happy for you!

I am intrepid. I will carry on.

It doesnt hurt. but i feel like it should. It does but not the way its supposed to. It just hurts to lose things. I gave so much. that hurts. I just dont know how we will make it work as friends. I never meant to hurt you. or make you cry. Its best. It just hurts alittle. and as much as i say im fine. im not perfectly fine. cuz no one will be. So there is hurt just not the same hurt. so i will cry. because of the lose not the hurt. I will miss things i cant have back. I will miss you. Thats what will hurt. but just like everything you move on.


we are intrepid.



we carry on.

Enough said.

Just two more weeks

So its late. I should be in bed. I should be sleeping, bt im not. Its raining outside and i like the sound. Its just soothing, like a blanket to a baby. Its not soothing my stress though. Only one week of classes left. Then a week of finals. Then my brother graduates from college, bittersweet in my eyes. Its the moment we all wait for, to be done with college. He is, he done, he will move on, and nothing will be like it was, or is. Then i come back for a 40 hour work week, again bittersweet. Then 10 days of summer, 10 days of observing classes, of hanging with friends and sleeping in. Then of to camp for around 10 weeks, the highlight of my summer! then off to Florida for a week! then back to school. So it never slows down. That may why i cant sleep. To much going on, to much in my head. Grades. Friends, Relationships. I have to save them all. I cant save them all. What if i fail. What if i fail my grades and have to drop out, what is i get kicked out. What would they do? what would i do? Failure is the not in the cards. What if they cant be friends? why cant friendship just be it? why do we fight? why cant we all be nice? What if i cant fix this relationship? what if it was never supposed to be? why cant it just be easy? what am i doing wrong? is it even me? or you? Do you even care? I dont think its health to think about dieing just to see if the person cared. I know they care. I just dont always see it.
Thats why i have been stressing the passed two weeks. Its almost done. Its not that im not happy! i am so happy! i am great, just college stress is all.
Bed time,
Jessica

Im tired

I really dont know what to write so im going to just use a picture!

I just want to be home already.

and go home, to see my family. just four more days then i can go home.

I only feel like sleeping

I only feel like sleeping. Im losing control. Where everything fades away and im not failing.

I need prayer. I need God right now to be here to hold me and take my hand. I can do it alone. I fail when i am alone. Im failing now. I cant control it. I am failing all my classes. I fail testes. I cant do it. I just want to drop out. I know i can do it. I just cant seem to.

Please pray for me this week. Im over the top stressed. I just need to make it through these next couple of weeks. but really i need to make it throught the semester. I nees to start making good grade.

Please pray.
Thank you
Jessica

Makebelieve and Legos

When all that mattered was whether or not we missed Arthur. If we would get out of school in time to play outside.
When dress up and make believe was what past the time. When Leah and i were best friends in everything but Lego's and barbies. When it took are parents hours to get us out of the hollow to come in and eat dinner. When i never cleaned up my messes.
Back to when everything was simple and we never had to worry about anything, because nothing else mattered but playing games and having fun.

There are to paths and i just cant seem to get on the right one.

There are two paths. One twists and turns, goes up and down and around. The other is straight, there are no rocks, no turns just easy and straight. I know which path to take, i know where it goes and what the end is. But it scares me, losing myself in the path, to person who leads me on this path. It scares me. So i look away, i see the easy path, its fun, it has games and other fun things. but there is shame. the heavy burden of what i am doing is wrong. I feel like i had this straight rope before i went on this easy path but ever since then i was jumping and dancing and playing games and rope got all twisted and knotted and i dont know how to get it undone. i dont know how to get back. I dont really want to go back. A part of me does, my heart knows what is best, it looks back and crys out to go back to where it is safe. but my head, oh my head says no, its hard back there. Its embarrassing. You praising and dancing to some one you cant see. You look like fool why would you do that. I want to go back though...i hear, i hear about people losing them selfs and i get jealous, i want that. I what God to like me again. i want to feel Him again. I miss Him. but its all twisted. I cant get it untwisted. I have made so many mistakes. I so good at be the "perfect" christian. I have all the answers but me. i have no idea where i am. Im lost and i dont like it. I give in so easy, i like the world to much, bucaue it is easy, but the shame...thats not easy.
Do i really want to lose myself? my heart aches for it, but pride is in the way. i can feel it in my legs when i am at church..to dance for God but i dont. I want to be straight again..i Gods eyes. I want to get to heaven and have Him smile at me and say well done. but i cant...i never get that. Im i even going to heaven? that terrifies me, i have sinned i still sin everyday. I know God is God and He is the only God, but even satan knows that. Am i going to heaven, or i have dug a hole so deep in head knowlege that my heart is not in it? I am scared i am not..and the thought of not having God when i die is terrifying, the though of being away and burned for hte rest of my life..is so so scary.....
I guess i dont know. i want to be on the right path, the path of God. I want to see Him and hear Him. I do hear Him, so that means something..right? I want to be like my mom, we make fun of her and tease her..but really i long for that. to be unashamed and FREE in God. I want what my mom has.....
I dont know..i just dont know....

Summer

Staring up into a cloudless sky filled with stars as a warm breeze tickles your face.
Jumping head first into freezing cold water to shake the blistering heat from are bodies.
Laughing, talking and sleeping the days away.
Running bare foot from house to house looking for someone to come out and play.
Tire swings and shaved ice are a perfect combination.
Warm rain and swimsuits.
Smores and camp fires are nothing without the people around them.
Midnight showings of your favorite movie.
Sleepless nights with friends and the tv.
Dozens of pictures from the adventures that we took.
Summer, I am falling head over heals for summer.
Its warm days and cools long nights.
The laughter it brings.
Shorts, tanks, T-shirts and flip-flops.
I love you summer.

Please, come back to me quickly.
I miss you.

He's not that bad.

Trust me, i wouldnt do anything stupid.

Im only me when im with you!

" Im only me when im with you!"
I love my friends. They are amazing and so fun. Between crazy girl nights and just seeing them around campus, they brighten my day. There crazy, in mind and actions...hehe i bet you all wish you knew. I am just so thankful to have found people like them around campus. Girls of faith but they can still have a great time.Though i dont get to see them as much as i would like, since i dont have any classes with them, i still love them. I cant wait to see them again. They bring the best out in me. Thank you friends. You really have no idea how much you mean to me. The way you warm my heart and make me feel at home.

it wont always be this great, right?

I really dont know what to write. I really dont have anyting to say. see i write on here when i am sad or tired but i am none of those things. I am so so happy. Life is great!! but i just cant help but think that i am going to fall soon. Life cant stay great..it has to get worse, right? I can hope and pray it stays this good. I just dont think it will.

Blessings,
Jessica

A start of some thing new!

Well its a start of a new semester! I have to change so much, i need to change my sleeping habits! See all my classes start at 8:00 this semester so that means waking up at 6:30.......which in turn means going to bed early! I have alot of hard classes this semester so im not excited....but it should still be fun..i will have to see.


Mon., Wed., and Fri.
Theater-8:00
Biblical survey- 10:00
Biology-11:00
Work-12:00
work- 3:00

Tues., Thur.
Wellness-9:00
Biology Lab/Work- 10:00
work- 12:00
American Experience- 1:00
Psychology- 2:30

Bye!!
Jess